i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
