she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
