Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
