i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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