you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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