I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We have so much sex to catch up on
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
