dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
