I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
