I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
