I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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