Can Purell be used as lube?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
