if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have already put on my inside pants.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
