my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
