New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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