like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
