I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Let's paint friendship bongs
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
