just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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