The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The air was thick with penises
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
