So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
