Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
