We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
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