i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Houston, we have a blender
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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