happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
