hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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