I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
