the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
