we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
