idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
