btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize