I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
