so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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