chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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