12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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