My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
