so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
