so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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