You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
