the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
