I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
