Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize