so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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