During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize