my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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