what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
