threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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