i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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