I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
