Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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