Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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