Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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