even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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