At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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