she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
