How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
