Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
