even my farts smell like vagina
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
