so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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