I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
