she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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