Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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