If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
