The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Four minutes until I can fart!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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