I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
