good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
