first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My pussy is not your playground.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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