Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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