OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
