I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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