Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
