none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
