Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
