Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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